Hanging Out Tha Blog Laundry!

Laundry Bag
(unfinished printed vintage linen embroidery blank from flea market, finished by me)

Oh Futuregirl,
It's me you got all jealous of.. isn't it? I mean you don't say so, but it's obvious.
Because I'm all cool and everything. Canning tomatoes. Making little dogs.
It's Okay. I'm used to it.

Oh. Not me then? Okay. Sorry. Nevermind.

It kind of floors me that some one like Alice ever has thoughts of being 'crushed by the craft blog world'. That other people's craft would make her feel "bitter", since I have always found her stuff off- the-charts original and amazing.

Now as far as my own craft life? Of course I struggle with this feeling. Repeatedly. Constantly.
Hello? They don't call me Bitter Betty for nothing. Does it make me a bad person? Perhaps.

I regularly have to take a "blog break" because the little light up box and keyboard start making me feel more "less than" than inspired.. Overstimulated, in a bad way. Blogtimidation. Craftimidation. You name it. I got it.

So I have to quit looking around for a bit. Put my virtual head down. Try to get back to "steering my own boat" so to speak.

When I first started blogging I was all tweaky because I thought everybody just made bird crafts and they were all better than anything I could do, so I was intimidated and irritated, all at the same time. They were fresher, simpler, newer, original and really CUTE.
How could this be when a birdie was on every single one of them? It seemed like a conspiracy of adorableness. It felt like looking at a clique that wouldn't let me in. Me, with my anatomy dolls and my dark underbelly.

And the hip "craftster" set .. I was not cool enough for them either... with their dang old adorable amigarumi and Ironic Tampon Cases. I truly feel too old to be that cool.

All that new coolness just pissed me off, something fierce. Everyone else's blog was prettier.
Everyone else was actually worried that some one would bother to steal their ideas... imitate their style.. I wasn't worried about that. I was worried that I averaged 1 or 2 comments per post and one of these was usually from my sister or best friend. I felt like a big faker. My husband confirmed my suspicions. ( "Who do you think is reading this stuff? There are like a million blogs out there already!") I had to quit looking at "stats" and Technoneurati, because it was such fuel for my fire.

Oh, High School Insecurity.. How I hold thee close to my bosom. Now at this ripe old age I have finally found a way to pull you out and hold you up to the light, to see all the chinks in the armor of my vast experience... And here you are, just as fun as I remembered.

In my critical self assessment, I find that what frustrates me most is: I apparently suffer from a serious Crisis of Style. What I love on others blogs I couldn't begin to imitate. I am not that Clear in my Vision most of the time. I don't have a STYLE. I like stuff ornate, I like it simple, I like it cute, I like it weird, modern, retro, vintage, whatever... and I never resist the urge to do something new. Everything that I do that does come off as if I have a style is, in fact, a fluke. Why? because I am a Craft Spazz. A highly dedicated, semi-skilled, Craft Spazz.

Oh well. What am I going to do? Not make whatever I want, whenever I want? Turn my back on my favorite public outlet for all the crazy stuff I make? Or accept it?

Hello, My name is Bethany and I am a dilettante crafter.
With an inferiority complex.

I am just going to be okay with that. Out here performing and witnessing Public Acts of Craft on the Internets, one must have teflon heart with a core of steel. But you can always make a wicked recycled, hand-felted, embroidered cozy for it.

And that is what it is all about.