As I am the lucky type who, thanks to a delightfully fortuitous marriage, gets to indulge each year in both latkes and Christmas cookies, it has come to my attention that unless I control my urges or actually exercise (no time, making presents, damn it) it might be in my best interest to ask Santa for a rather aggressive foundation garment.
Here again, advise from the formidable but devastatingly accurate Nurse's Guide to Charm:
Here again, advise from the formidable but devastatingly accurate Nurse's Guide to Charm:
How to Buy a Girdle...
That's right, Santa, I have removed my rose colored glasses...
I will take the "Lycra Iron Maiden"..in medium.
Oh, and I will be good next year.. to make up for some stuff.
That's right, Santa, I have removed my rose colored glasses...
I will take the "Lycra Iron Maiden"..in medium.
Oh, and I will be good next year.. to make up for some stuff.
Girl... all I can say is.. SPANX.. and pass the cookies!
ReplyDeletefrom what I've seen of you, you're one svelte chickie, and I doubt that a few latkes and cookies here and there could change that too much!
ReplyDeletebut i am bookmarking this for after the baby is born, when I am DEFINITELY buying myself a serious foundation garment!
note to self: next time don't be pregnant during the biggest eating holidays of the year.
nancy
Oh, this is one of the best. Can we just leave it at "Admit the bumps that are there"? That sounds somewhat metaphysical doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteI love your Nurse's Guide to Charm. Keep them coming.
ReplyDeleteI love these posts...they have me tickled!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure the one on the right is calling my name. Loudly. So far this holiday season I've been eating as if I think I'm suddenly going to run out of food and need extra lard to live on, so this advice was PERFECTLY timed. I'm going to Amazon right now to order a girdle - now please pass the cookies!
ReplyDeleteThe one on the right calls my name. Sigh. However, the good news is that Spanx is great, though not as pretty. I'm one of those that thinks old fashioned undergarments are very sexy...I like the super thick garter belt straps.
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty timely since I was just thinking of invest in some Spanx. Gah, the holidays.
ReplyDeleteI have a real figure problem-I'll take the "all-in-one" please!
ReplyDeleteI was sitting on Santa's lap the other day and he suddenly had a massive cardiac infarction and I had to slide off and administer some CPR until the paramedics came!{I don't know what could have caused it?!!!} Whew! I really almost ruined Christmas for everyone this year! I had to go to Cinnabon and Starbucks just to console myself!
ReplyDeleteLOL Love them!
ReplyDeleteUrggg... sorry, no spandex for me — I wanna breathe! Although with a little "honest appraisal" in front of a mirror I know I could use some.
ReplyDeleteI am constantly amazed about how knowledgeable those nurses are! Is there anything outside their pervue ;-) ?
ReplyDeleteI guess I've been "cutting corners" and need to put my order in for the Full-Body Bind. The word "foundation" has always seemed quirky to me in this context. Ah, the 50s.
ReplyDeleteYou are a crack up! Seriously though, I actually would love one of those things. I wish the would come back "in" so they would be easier to find.
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting my humble blog and thank you for your kind comment and great advice!
YEAH! What Maddie said!!!
ReplyDeleteok, maybe it's cuz I'm pushing (but not actually) 40, but a girdle might be my new best friend!! screw more sit-ups!!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE girdles!! I'll take three!! hee heeee I love how Dolly Parton talks about lycra on those thighs since she was 15.. he heeee xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteHaha, every girls post-Christmas must have!
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I remember when I was 15 and my mother decided it was time for me to wear a girdle. I weighed about 85 lbs. What the hec??? Now I really need one and can't imagine wearing anything that tight ever again. This was a wonderful post to remind us all not to overeat this holiday!!!! NOT.... I just finished making a cheesecake.
ReplyDeleteThank you for making me laugh today. Your blog was a pleasure.
Wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season and a very merry new year.
Cathy
Merry Christmas :)
ReplyDelete