Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Tutorial Tuesday: Standing... No, Really.. you might be blowing it.

Well, It isn't just standing, it is the all important Hand on Hip stance, specifically.

Brought to you from
The Nurse's Guide to Charm..
The same wild bunch who brought you "How to Remove Your Coat"...

click on them... make them bigger
this is info you need to read.

Picture me standing over my computer in "the thinker's position"
trrryyying to wrap my brain around all this juicy new info..
I mean screw the dieting and excercise!
Strategic hand placement Is The Way.

and don't even get me started on "Expressing Pertness"
where I'm from, we call that "Sass".
And you know what Sass will get you!?!
Friends like me, that's what.

I now must mosey off into Tutorial Tuesday's Sunset,
in the perfect, practiced and learned "cowboy hand postion"..
Adios, Amigos
and happy trails.

( so much fun, I hardly miss Sally at all...)


Anonymous said...

The sad bit is that someone thought there was enough of a market/need for standing advice that the published it!

Blaize said...

My reinterpretation of the poses:
1. Mom is angry and has just used my first, middle, and last names coupled with "quit scuffling with your sister!"
2. Lady is furtively smoothing her inadequate foundation garment.
3. Woman is perplexed by the problem-to-hand, which could be anything from a scorched stew to difficulty in isolating radium. Hmph!
4. Wonder Woman!
All our hopes are pinned on you.
And the magic that you do.
Stop a bullet cold,
Make the Axis fold,
Change their minds, and change the world!
5. I don't have a dishtowel, or an apron, and I'm not wearing socks, but my hands are wet, so, hey! Whaddaya gonna do? Wipe them!
6. Singer's hand position:
I am asking for only 50 cents for a phone call.
7. Thinker's hand position:
It's for my dust jacket photo. Oprah's Book Club, here I come!
8. Leaner's hand position:
Oh, yeah. I'm not leaning; but I'm busting out a big leaning 'tude.
9. Cowboy's hand postion:
Bawm chick BOW-WAHM. wocka wocka wocka.
10. Talker's hand postion.
Hey! Okay! I'm only HALF Italian. Want to make something out of it?

Anonymous said...

oh! I can't decide between the Pertness or the Talker's ! I shall have to experiment with them all!

Amy said...

i am digging the cowboy's hand position. i think that will be very becoming for me. however, i do not wear belts. so, should i place my thumbs in my skirt top or apron top? i can see that this is going to take some work..i'm off to practice.

The J said...


And here I thought I'd missed something by never having home ec or etiquette classes! Well, I did miss quite a few laughs by the look of it ;).

Anonymous said...

This is great!

Please keep sharing sections of this book. Is there any advice for sitting or moving? Is the charming nurse allowed to speak?

I am frozen in a half hip slimming, half thinkers stance, waiting to find out what to do next without disrupting my aura of charm.

CraftRage said...

I really enjoyed the warning to the overweight - all this time, I thought having my arms akimbo was slimming!

Sonya said...

I think I have to disagree - pert and sass are two entirely different things. Pert you might express (like you express milk? Hmmmm) but sass one exudes.

Christina said...

LOL - Oh no, I've been "adding weight to my hipline" this whole time! Thanks for enlightening us.

Anonymous said...

Oh my. To think of the day & age where this was thought to be needed...though I suppose Cosmo is probably still guilty of this type of thing.

Natalie, the Chickenblogger said...

I feel so empowered. God bless you.
Now I am off to clean my house (hands in the *big broom* position)

My Little Family: said...

This takes me back to the year when my mother enrolled me in charm school because she thought i wasn't lady-like enough and wanted to be sure tht i would marry well and know how to entertain. LOL Vickie

Sally said...

Oh my goodness - if a nurse approached me with any of these hand on hip positions, I would know to avoid her and the needle she has hidden, ready to pounce!!!

This reminds me of the "charm schools" many of us baby boomers - and older I am sure - were subject to while young teens. Pert and sass were not approved subjects!

Teena Vallerine said...

Oh no no no! It's all just too much info - I've just developed a nervous twitch trying to take it all in!

Stitching At Stone Cottage said...

oohh i love it...the simplicity 4257 anniversary ladies have clearly read the book also. i'm a nurse, i cant wait to try some new stances out at work.

Anonymous said...

All these wasted years and agony over dieting to find out that it's my lifelong habit of "arms akimbo" and not butterscotch brownies that have been the culprit! When I woke up this morning I'd learn something that would change the course of my life! :)

On what Ambika wrote about Cosmo...I'll never forget reading that a good way to attract a man is to sit at a table in an outdoor cafe reading a small volume of poetry "nevermind if you don't like poetry, he'll think you're smart!" This was only three years ago!

Natalie said...

Sass a mighty! In yoga we call these mudras and they usually have a spiritual significance! These invoke a slimming spiritual connection to the whole...right?!

Jennifer said...

My plan is to go around with the singer's hand position until someone asks me what's wrong. Mostly, because it reminds me a lot of the hand position of so many of the nuns I remember from my childhood Catholic education. I'll let you know how it goes....

Mom O Matic said...

Linked to this awesome scan!

Mary-Laure said...

This is really excellent!

Avantgardist said...

Ha ha, the look on the model's face is like, "what is this bullsh*t I'm doing!?" The slenderizing position looks like you're afraid your butt is going to fall of if you let go! AH, but my very favorite! I think we should all go somewhere and express pertness! HAHAHAHAHA! It looks like her arms got put on backwards at the fembot factory! HAHAHA! Oh, and for the love of GOD, the big girls better not let their arms be akimbo! (what?!) It doesn't say why, just don't do it.

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