Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Broken Hearted.and a finished project. maybe.



I had to take my puppy back to her loving and capable rescue foster home.
She wanted to eat my cats. She was 9 lbs and my big cat is 18 lbs. The small cat is 9 lbs but very capable of defending itself. The wee mongrel was already 5 months old and according to my research well passed the age when her prey drive could be "reprogrammed". It was like living in a blender.

After just a week of having her, not having her, feels like someone parked a car on my chest.

Okay, what is really weird about this is, I am not a big huge animal fan.
I am not a maniacal nuturer. I don't believe that I am the kind of person who would sign their Christmas cards (which I don't send anyway) with the names of their pets.. or refer to myself as the pup's "mommy". ( and if you do these things please know I am not judging.. I am just not that way.) I don't like all dogs. In fact I like only a few. It took me forever to decide that I might be interested in doing this. When I brought her home I woke up in the middle of the night thinking "Oh my God! I will have a dog until I am 55 years old."

So when it became clear that keeping her would be unsafe for her and the cats.. why did I cry and mope and generally get completely depressed?

Is it my version of a biological clock? Anticipation of the empty nest? Is it because when I was 6 my single mom had to give away my dog because she got nippy with my younger sister after she had been hit by a car? Is it because when I got the dog, I went to see my semi-estranged father who has been battling thyroid cancer and still selfishly smokes unfiltered Camels like a chimney even though he has a young daughter?

Having the dog took me off auto pilot. I looked more critically and more awarely at all the creatures in my care; the cats, the goldfish, my son. It brought the undercurrents of responsibilty back to the surface. It made me realize that there is part of me that wants to make a commitment like that again.

Now, to make matters more complicated, my husband feels, after having a dog for a week, differently about the issue. I have always felt that there are some things that require everyone in the family to be on the same page. Moving, additional offspring, and accrual of pets are all on that list. What makes me worry is for the first time I have a stronger feeling of longing that seems un-natural in my basic personality. I resent his "taking back" of his enthusiasm for the commitment and it brings up baggage. I don't think it is appropriate to share it all but suffice it to say: our family has one kid, aloof (but charming) cats and goldfish. We are light on the commitment list and I have often been the one who gives in, because of the conviction that we are all on board or we don't move forward. Baggage. A flippin' complete set of Louis Vitton with steamer trunk Luggage... emblazoned with my family crest. And my dear husband called me "insane" for being upset at the current situation.

Okay. I will give you Neurotic.


But anyway...

I did manage to finish the kitchen window treatment.
Anybody have any opinions on the fringey bottom of the redwork?
It was a vintage dresser scarf that I reused and I kept what was there.
but it might need something...

16 comments:

OldRound said...

If it makes you feel any better some years ago I got rid of the cutest little white lab puppy (found abandoned) because it immediately got the mange (stymied my bonding with it...how superficial am I?) and it would roll itself in cow manure and then come up wiggling to my kids. Felt awful at the time about getting rid of her. The guilt. But I actually found a home for her and have heard she is as happy as can be. Was the right decision because I'm sure she was going to keep on rolling in cow poop and I wasn't going to like her too much for that. Decisions like that are hard because ... well you know. By all means, try again. Get another dog. There will be a good one for you somewhere. Don't get me started on the biological clock thing!
As for the curtain, I think it would be nice to have the side fabric edge along the bottom of the white, maybe up a little to let the fringe stuff still be there? I like the fringe.

stephanie s said...

well shoots, i can see why you miss her, that picture says it plain... but, you did the right thing. that situation wouldn't have been right for anyone, mommy or puppy.....hahahahaha.

AmberCake said...

Bummer about the dog, but sounds like the right thing to do.

As for your maybe finished project, if you're looking for a more finished finished look but still keeping the sweet soft edge, I bet one, two, or three rows of red stiching near the bottom would give it a more deliberate look. Just a straight line near the bottom, maybe across the center panel, maybe across the whole thing. It's already really cute.

ULLA said...

I totally understand your state. A while back we tried to 'adopt' a adorable little cockatial. Well our dog wanted to eat IT! I was so in love with the bird, it would sit on my shoulder and nibble on me ear, and cuddle in my hair. Well, after a week of screaming and at the dog, I knew seniority wins... Alas, I still miss the little guy, and probobly always will....
I like the curtain, but kind of feel like it needs a red fringe or ribbon on the bottom, to give it a bit more weight... Just my 2 cents worth!
hugs...

Angelina said...

I'm so sorry about having to give the pup back. My puppy and cat are the same and I have come very close to finding her a new home (the dog) but I keep hoping it will all smooth out and that the cat will stop tormenting her before she figures out she could eat him up.

I would either leave the curtain exactly as it is (it's really cool) or do what Ambercake suggested, that sounds good too.

PamKittyMorning said...

Sorry about the dog. These things are hard.
Love looking at and out your window.

Frizz said...

I'm so sorry. I'm a bit of a dog nut so I can't imagine a life without one or two.
I was looking at my labs the other day thinking they have a presence (energy) that adds to the house. Each one differently too. Of course it helps if they behave and don't cause havoc. I'm not a nuture type either but I don't mind taking care of them.
PS - They're a great excuse if you have to go somewhere you really don't want to ..."We really have to go, the dogs need to fill-in-blank (eat:: go out::poop)!"

I agree with the stitch lines at the bottom. Very cool curtain!

Stacie said...

pom poms!

Laurie said...

ooo! Love the pompom idea! I was thinking red blanket stitch.

There is something about the utter dependence of a pet, and the utter devotion of a dog, that just brings us to our knees when they depart. Really, like, calling in sick. I am sorry your heart is broken. xoxox

Wende said...

Red Pom-poms sounds fun!

We had to find a new home for a dog we had awhile back due to the cat we had at the time. It was really hard, but we found a good home. And a good home is the important part, for everybody. Doesn't take away the grief, though, doe it?

Hang in there. The curtain is just lovely. :D

Wende said...

Oh dear, my grammar really sucks in that last comment. So sorry. :D

Karyn said...

a hem?

Animals (especially dogs) can wiggle their little selves into your heart so quickly can't they? Then husbands can do the opposite just as quickly...

Anonymous said...

the next time you get a dog, be ready to take on the responsibility of it, good and bad. maybe you should just stick to your cats. there is no telling how many homeless pups you might have to return before you find the perfect match. dogs need training and people who take the easy way out make me sick. did you talk to your vet, call a trainer, talk to the rescue organization?? the internet has a wealth or information and so does the library. hopefully your puppy will find it's forever home soon with people who really really want a puppy until they are aged 55.

Bitterbetty said...

To anonymous:

We tested her with cats before we got her. Then while I had her, I took her to the vet to be certain it was not just a trainable instinct on her part. We have been soul searching to be sure we are able to handle this responsibitity and we truly want to do this.

I talked about my shock at the responsibility (55 years) just to illustrate how serious the commitment is, and how deeply it struck me..

I have been serious about adopting a dog for 2 months and thought I had my perfect match. If I had my way I would have kept her but I was making the most concienscous decision I could make for her safety and for the cats safety as well.

Your point is well taken, but already realized.
Thanks.

Marie said...

Ohh....love the curtain. How about red bobble trim along the bottom....It would be really cute. I did kitchen curtains once upon a time for my kitchen in red gingham and put white bobble trim along the bottom. Looked really cute!

futuregirl said...

First of all, how in the world did I miss this post? I must have been wildly clicking in Bloglines.

Second of all, I really don't like it when people don't have the guts to say things without being anonymous. It totally irks me. Personally, I would have deleted it.

Third of all, that window treatment is so totally cute!

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